Paul J Penton – Songwriter

Banquet- Daily Object Writing – Oct 23

By the end of the night I felt as if a bowling ball had been inserted into my innards. Not that I’m complaining at all, it was all nicely done at that swanky awards dinner. The penguin suit pinched a bit on my shoulders- it hadn’t been worn in a while and I must have expanded in that area – but once we were sat and comfortably surrounded by a galaxy of shining knives and forks and well polished wine glasses it began.

Waiters performed circus juggling acts with entrees that hovered in the air at the end of snaking arms . It was a prawn and pumpin salad – interesting- jellied yellow squares of pumpkin, that melted like butter on a hot day in my mouth. The prawns, fatter than a thumb exploded with the taste of the sea and the special herb or spice they’d been served in made my tongue sit up. The wine waiter kept appearing at my right shoulder at frequent intervals and the yellow fluid in the glass always seemed to remain at a constant level- making it hard to judge how much I’d drunk and whether I was too drunk to drive home…hmmmmm.

The main speaker was glued to the podium as if it was a life raft and his words seemed to float up on balloons above him – hanging there just long enough for us to gradually understand he was not who he was purported to be- rather, a comedian – funny for about five minutes before his charade started to wear and weigh on us like a cloudy Newcastle afternoon. Thankfully the medium rare steak arrived to add more flavour to the moment, floating on a cloud of mashed potato with islands of broiled spinach supporting its rear. The knife should have been a steak knife by rights – instead it was a bog standard kitchen job which was only just efffectual……