A grey overcast morning
taxi arriving at 6.53
stepping out into a brisk memory
of chilly winter mornings
the taxi atmosphere
warps around me in a blanket of safety
hopefully like the journey before me

Check in
forms filled
waivers waived
credit cards swiped
health insurance checked
all looking good and above board

Not sure what to expect
ascending the lift to level one
I hand in forms
and they direct me to bed 11
- a private room
the window broken
with a lightening of sky

a series of practitioners call
one inspects me veins
and installs a Catheter
in my left hand
it aches for hours after
is that normal?
A slight prick
as he burrows in
under the skin
and applies a series of plasters and things
leaving me with a plastic tube
and an attachment hose
I feel like a cyborg
ready for a dose

Another nurse comes to check me
with an ECG
does the test but is called away
and does it again and remarks
“you read about it,
but this is the first I’ve ever seen”
‘Wolff-Parkinson-White’
blood pressure normal
like everything else

a small elephant
rests on my chest
just a foot or maybe a leg
but I know it’s there….
he plays with the butterfly
on the left ventricle
that continues to flutter and tickle
will this go away?
she asks how do I rate it
on a scale of 1 to 10
- maybe 3 I say

an assistant is next to visit
a little less confident than the others
explains the procedures
that once in place
the probes will come up through the thigh
the groin
it’ll all be on the screen
that area in my heart
with the extra junction box
will be exposed to a series of shocks
to help them learn
how dangerous this is
later I learn I have been ‘oblated’
the surgeon drops by to check in
all ready then

A male nurse gives me
two sleeping pills
so by the time they wheel me out
I’m slightly out of it
I trundle to just outside the theater
funny thing is
I don’t know what time it is
I’m aware as they feed me
drips through the catheter
as they burrow into my regions down nether
and I slip into a half land
a half place
where I’m aware of numbers being called out
and the lights flash on and off
and pictures of wires probing my inside
are displayed on LCD screens

I’m sat outside the operating theater
as I sit there they monitor
later I’m told there might be another oblation needed
I’ll wear a monitor for twenty four hours to assess the need

back in the room I snooze and drift
time seems to have disappeared
haven’t eaten since last night
and can’t eat now -another procedure is to follow
the drip machine to my left feeds me saline or drugs or something

when I’m aware again I ask the time
3pm
another hour ’til the next procedure
an angiogram with pictures of my veins
I’m uncomfortable in this bed
my back aching
wanting to move my leg
but being told to keep it straight
the secondary catheter still in my groin
a second penis I have grown
temporarily

4.30 pm procedure two
taken and waken again
almost straight through
an Indian doctor
explains the procedure
says there’s a point three percent chance of things going wrong
blood clots
hemorrhages
reactions
a few things
I sign a form disinterested and drowsy

In the theater it seems to be only five minutes
more drugs administered
a warm flush as dye is released into the blood
pictures taken
and then back to the room
to sleep, to rest
with more drugs

I sleep what seems a couple of hours
I wake and ask
“what time is it”
10 pm!
I need to eat
hungry
he gets a cup of tea and some sandwiches for me
don’t move about too much they tell me
the night passes
turbulent sleep
keeping that damn leg as straight as possible
and the bad back making it intolerable
longing to get back to reality
the stream of humanity
the life I know
though this has been
a pleasant stay
by all accounts
they’re really very nice!